I haven't posted in a long while. This has bugger all to do with Facebook or any other digital nonsense. Truth is I cut my online anything down pretty radically. Initially, losing internet connection for two weeks and so going essentially cold turkey just weaned me away from habit that had come to frame my days rather too much. However, we have also been dealing with the fallout from Paul's broken neck and hip and that became my main priority.
I didn't feel it appropriate or actually that interesting for people to read about regularly. To be honest, posting would encourage too much introspection at a time when it was not needed.
The hip is healing well. He is back walking with a stick. However, the neck not so good. Saw the specialist today and the bone has not fused entirely. The collar remains on. It is quite possible that he should have been far more immobilised, with the use of a Halo frame screwed into his skull, from the outset, as the smallest of movement to turn negates the fusing. This is coupled with osteoporosis. However, nothing good will come out of dwelling on what perhaps should have been done.
Paul is a tough nut and will not show upset. But I saw the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. It is a blow.
He is in no pain. Yes, that's a good thing. But some pain would stop him from making unconscious movements.
The other concern is he has developed a problem with his balance and you kind of don't want that when a fall could result in more than a bruise and a bump.
Suffice to say, our lives have narrowed accordingly and my days are pretty busy just doing most of the stuff that needs to be done.
We were meant to have moved wholesale to Brighton by now but that is delayed until early next year so that he can visit the hospital here. After 6 months we are still struggling with getting the blasted housing association to pass the tenancy over to him. Last week we discovered they had not even passed Donald's death certificate from one department to another. We gave them the death certificate in May. Because the tenancy listed Donald as primary tenant the tenancy number referred to him. Paul needs a new tenancy number but, while recognised as an occupant, is not yet seen as a tenant. So, the rent he has paid, that has left his account...they have 'mislaid'.
My wish for one last Xmas in London has been granted but the reason why and the endless bureaucratic absurdities with hospitals and housing associations make it bittersweet.
I actually just want us down by the coast, in the home I bought for us, finally getting the blasted civil partnership done ( in my will Paul inherits the house...but would have to sell it to cover inheritance tax. I want to know he has a roof over his head if I'm not around. ) and just building a life and routine that feels more than treading water.
For Paul the move to Brighton will allow him a better lifestyle than he has here. The size of the town and the very real support and friendship of the people around us will make his days better. And that is really the priority.
Our friends here are spread too far across London and are too busy with their own lives, with jobs and with kids.
Well, most of them. Ironically I have become matier with the two good people who made my suit and from there much pleasure and goodness has arisen. And some opportunities besides...
But that is the next post.
Now, time to run a hot bath, get in and soak. Then I am for an early night with a wonderful book given to me by my good and cherished friend from SF. In spite of everything...limitations, obstacles, changes and craziness in both our lives, we have managed a couple of meets. Not as long as we would have hoped but just as rich and passionate as ever.
The book is 'The Year of the Hare' by Arto Paasilinna.
Short, dry, funny, moving.
I recommend it to anyone who loves life.
warm beer and misanthropy.
- (no subject)